I've always admitted to myself I'm a coward.
I get nervous and anxiety easier than it is to buy a whore with a buck. i cant throw a punch. and spiders still make me wanna piss myself.
i can take a hit but id rather not get hit and for some reason still flinch.
and i always laugh at the fact that i've had men 3 times my size stare me down ready to fight. i've had lanky shits with bony fists ready to fight. i've had white trash 6th year seniors, muscular shits, who probably bro grope their hockey buds, get right up into my face with their stinky ass shit breath and threaten to beat me so hard to some sort of analogy of near death or unrecognizable condition.
and every time this happens. i puff my chest and stare them down back.
i dont get why i actually do it. i know most of the shit i say is all bull. i'm sure they could call my bluff. and minus one punch from a kid who later in life got raped in juvie ive never been caught up in a fight. for some odd reason they all ended the same way.
they walk away orsome girl stops them or someone with the idea of authority steps in.
but i've always acted tough back. tell them to bring it. i call them pussies, white trash, fat shits, stupid fuckheads and try to puff out my skinny non buff chest.
and when it's done and nothing happened. sometimes people come up to me and tell me how shocked they were at how i acted. how they knew i was going to lose.
ive never been in a real fight. i've always dodged them. i'm a fucking coward. i dont care that im a coward. these kids kept telling me they thought i was stupid but brave. and i always laughed at that cause these assholes never saw how bad my knees shook.