whenever i do something that involves being in groups, teams, or anything of the sort.
never felt as if i should actually be there. and for being there i am wrong.
it's probably how i view the situation. but i feel different. or that i am different and i should be somewhere else. no crews, no families, less friends, no schools, no jobs, no licenses or clubs or cards, no teams no nothing.
just an island.


desires you cant hold or obtain become unhealthy. kill the feeling inside your chest. become a stone. quiet. still. forget faith. the world around you pretends to have their desires fulfilled.
you try to be honest with yourself. you just try to not care anymore. no point is being sad in not having the thing you want in your hands. but you see what you want. smell what you want. find yourself thinking about what you want. and you just feel alone. you want to kill your senses. breathe irregularly and just forget it. you tell yourself you know the lesson.
but to feel that is another story.